It's the Thing I Like to Call Agency

Dear You,


God did not make any curses rain upon your head.   He did not throw a fiery serpent at you.  He did not thrust this oh-so-dramatic life onto you.

You did that all on your freaking own.

Why can't you see that?

Why can't you see your own stupidity?

Listen, maybe God is, in fact, answering your prayers.   Maybe you just don't want to hear it.  Did you ever consider that he doesn't agree with your sins?  Did you ever think that he's not going to tell you to choose the lesser of two evils?

So stop complaining.

Stop cramming your sacrilegious junk down my throat.

Because guess what?  I agree with God.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

I Think

Dear You,

I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I like you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Popsicle Kid

Dear You,


Let's be friends.

You ain't never had a friend like me.

Ha.  Ha ha.  Ha.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Burnt Toast

Dear You,


I've just recently made an amazing discovery.  We're not so different.  Like, at all.  We have the same stupid emotions running through our brains and so many opportunities flying over our scalps.  We lack the things we need and have everything we don't want.  Yeah, we're a little messed up.

But that's okay.

Because we can be messed up together.

Forever.

Okay?

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

I Was Gonna Do an Obvious Title, but Got Embarrassed

Dear You,


Here's the thing.  I've totally misused you.  And I've gotten a lot of crap for it.  I've heard your sob story from just about everybody.  You know, guilt trips and stuff.

Yeah, I can be a real jerk.  But I just want you to know that I'm sorry.  And I'm not being sarcastic this time.

I didn't think I was the type of girl who subconsciously went through through the process of, "You always want what you cant have." or "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."  But, turns out, I am.

Because I like you.

Again.

But I haven't seen you since, like, April or something.

So how is that possible?

Do I like the thought of you?

Am I just mentally insane?

Do I find pleasure in self pity?

Or am I serious this time? (Probably not.)

What the freaking heck is wrong with me?

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Pickle

Dear You,


I hate being the one to initiate everything.  And I hate being shot down every single time.  Why don't you try it for once?  Then maybe I'll blow you off.

But I probably won't really.

Because I would be so ecstatic if you actually asked me to hang out.  I mean, over the five years we've known each other, you have never so much as suggested an actual meeting of some sort.

Are you scared?  Nah, that'd be ridiculous... Are you ridiculous?

Do you find me irritating?  It's okay if you do.  I already know I'm obnoxious.  I'm actually proud of it.  (That's probably a bad thing.)

So how 'bout it, kiddo?  Wanna ask me something?  Anything?

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Australian Shepherd

Dear You,


You whine.

You pee.

You lick.

You bark.

You're stupid.

You love me.

You're smart.

You're depressed when I'm gone.

You're overly excited when I come home.

You whine.

And whine.

But I love you.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

World of Colors

Dear You,


You make me laugh.

Like, a lot.

I'm so happy I share a name with someone like you.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Habit

Dear You,


People often ask me, "Do you like anyone?"

And then your face pops in my head.

And then I say, "No."

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Awkward

Dear You,


Let's try that again.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

Grudge

Dear You,


I only hate you for now.

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.

You Loser

Dear You,


I want to kiss you.

And it makes me feel all tingly when I think about it.

Did you know that about yourself?

This is my letter to you,


Sincerely Me.